Are You Learning Or Coping?
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Do you read blogs, stay up with the news, watch YouTube, listen to podcasts? Okay, okay, I know you listened to at least one podcast. Thanks, good to have you here. And I know when you're doing these things, it's probably because it's valuable in some way, right? You're learning something. It's a good habit, yeah? And yes, you're learning. And I wonder if there's a little bit of compulsion in there too.
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In the previous episode, I discussed the importance of sharing what you learn with others. Doing so is a creative act and helps us deepen our learning. In this episode, we take a look at another angle on learning. Learning as information intake to deal with insecurity. Welcome to the Expand Your Ability Podcast. I'm your host, Jeffrey Schwinghammer.
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I'm a certified Feldenkrais practitioner and somatic movement teacher. On this show we explore questions in order to become more aware, and thus more powerful in our choices. Learning is great, isn't it? It's an unquestionable good, right? Well, much of the time it's really good. But now more than ever, we can learn so much.
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We human beings are learning creatures. Human culture is built on all of us sharing our knowledge, our ideas, tools, and insights about our environment so we can all survive and get along together. As much as we forage for food, we also forage for knowledge. And learning skills is definitely good because the right skills can prepare us for the future. So let's always be learning, right?
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Learning helps us secure our future. And also, learning can be done compulsively. What do I mean by compulsive? Compulsive is when we do something in a way that we feel we have to. If we don't do it, we will feel uncomfortable. Compulsive is associated with doing what we need to do in order to feel safe, or actually more like to have the illusion.
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of safety. Compulsivity is the I must feeling that comes from our insecurity. I must do this because if I don't, I will be stuck with this terrible feeling.
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And so what does that mean for learning? We can pursue learning not for joy or specific immediate need, but out of compulsivity, to get some illusory sense of safety. Here, I'll share an example of compulsively learning. There have been a number of times in my life where I've listened to a lot of podcasts.
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And during that time I was dealing with a lot of loneliness and stress and confusion. You know, I'm not one to binge TV, but it's a lot easier for me to binge listening to something or to listen to people on YouTube.
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And this is the kind of thing that would fit in while I'm cooking or cleaning or driving.
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I've received a lot of good information, especially from shows like Modern Wisdom, Deep Questions with Cal Newport, and Decoding the Gurus, among many others. I love hearing good ideas more than anything, really. Like how perfect, crisply offered ideas are. Don't they just feel so good to hear a beautiful insight? Like they can make so much sense and it's mind-opening.
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And of course, I've definitely received a lot of good information, a lot of practical valuable information. That's not the question here. Based off of how often I would listen to these shows, I was also self-soothing through intellectual stimulation. I suspect I was doing that more than seeking information to help my situation.
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In other words, it was a way of me coping with stress. Right? Because I like listening to people talk. It's interesting. It can be good advice. It feels meaningful. That sweet taste of insight I mentioned before. I feel like I'm loading up on intellectual resources to be ready for the future. It's kind of funny. I feel like I'm connected to the hosts in some way. They call this a parasocial relationship, by the way.
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And it also feels empowering. Once again, no question, I've received a lot of important, informative ideas that has helped me mature and inform my perspective. Beneath my desire to learn was a different desire, I think more central, and that was to get my needs met. Wait, what do I mean by needs here? So...
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The sorts of needs that I think I was trying to fulfill were, one, some sort of soothing or reducing agitation, a way of coping with stress, right? Two, I needed some sort of connection with other people. And three, I needed to feel good and assured. Having insights was a direct way to feeling good for me. And is still, right? This is all past and present. Something I'm working with.
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And by listening to a lot of podcasts, I noticed I was trying to meet these needs that I listed through intellectual stimulation. Yeah, intellectual stimulation is a big deal for me. Not gonna lie. I'm not joking here. And I think it's a big deal for a lot of people actually. And I think it points to our innate human desire to grow and learn.
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and also points to the way that we get stuck in our heads and become so cognitive focused. Here's another story. a friend was sharing about some of the trouble she was having with the partner. He was working long hours and then was tired into the evening and he kind of tuned into a podcast and was on his phone and she didn't want to interrupt.
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She didn't know what to do. She wanted to connect with them. I wrote her this note. I said, having listened to a lot of podcasts and watched my own behavior, compulsive podcast use is not good. Yeah, maybe it's self-soothing through intellectual stimulation or listening to people to deal with loneliness. It can also make a space between ourself and others
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by loading up your own world with ideas no one around you has access to. I'm not saying podcasts are bad or anything, but they can also be the tool of insecurity. Two people confirmed this was true for them. They said, I'm also on that boat. And wow, I've been shutting myself out with podcasts and audiobooks for years.
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Okay, so there's two main points I want to highlight here. The first point is too much intellectual stimulation leads to isolation. I was excessively taking in information faster than I could act on and faster than I could talk about it with other people. Instead of reaching out to other people about my challenges, I just soaked up good ideas and that created intellectual isolation.
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I was taking in too much compared with my ability to create with it, to use it, to try it, to share it. What you learn has to become action. Now I don't mean it has to be a grand action or anything like that. It has to be worked with somehow.
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The second point I want to highlight is too much intellectual stimulation can be a tool of insecurity. From an attachment theory perspective, which I mentioned in a previous episode, you moving away from other people can be a way of feeling safer for yourself. Sometimes we don't feel safer getting closer to another person. We actually feel safer by avoiding.
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the person are creating distance. And so, has your learning ever been a tool for your insecurity? Like, I'm gonna do this now because it helps me feel better and I don't want to be close to other people, at least at this moment. Maybe it's not learning for you. Do you have some other activity that you consider good?
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that actually has some good qualities, but may also be a way of coping or even cutting yourself off from others. Here are some ideas, and none of them are bad, I just offer them in case they are helpful. Exercise. Reading the news. Playing video games. Shopping. Watching YouTube. Yoga. Meditation.
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It's a funny thing, isn't it? I know, we're questioning the good things that we do. And I'm not saying to stop what you're doing. You don't have to change anything about what you're doing. I'd just like to invite you to ask the question, what is the function of this activity? That is, what does this activity offer you? Does it address some need that you have to self-soothe, to feel connected?
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to have fun? And out of curiosity, is there another way more directly that you can address your needs? Especially one that enriches you and your relationships over time? To conclude, we talked about whether your learning serves to connect you with other people or is it a way of isolating or self-soothing. It's natural that we have problems and want to solve those problems by acquiring knowledge.
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But is the knowledge actually addressing our immediate need and for the long term? Learning is a wonderful thing, and I suggest we be attentive to why we do what we do. And when we understand that why, that need, we can play with other ways to meet that need. Before I let you go, I'd like to share a few things with you.
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I'm working on a program of guided explorations to help reduce mental and physical agitation and worry. Think of it as a first aid kit to help you stop spinning and get grounded. To learn more about that please join my weekly newsletter or send me an email. Both are in the show notes. I'm also offering one-on-one private sessions online. Please sign up for a 30 minute free discovery call to find out if we're a good fit.
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that's also in the show notes. My final question to you today is, based on listening to this episode, is there one need that you have that you could get a little bit clearer on how you fulfill it?
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Thank you for your attention.
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