Expand Your Ability: Embodiment, Somatics, and Feldenkrais

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I hadn't realized it all these years until that day in your class. And I can't remember what we had done exactly, but by the end of the class, I was feeling exactly like I did when I was a cheerleader and I was like in front of the gym. And I just like, everything was just like working perfectly. And I just felt this...

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empowerment. That's the voice of Marlene, one of my students. In this episode, Marlene tells the story of her surgeries, including the positive and negative effects they've had on her, as well as what she has learned through our Feldenkrais Awareness Through Movement explorations. She has a lot to celebrate. Her story highlights how we generate compensations after surgery or other injuries and

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how that can limit our possibility. By cleaning out our compensations, we can restore our youthful power. Welcome to the Expand Your Ability Podcast. I'm your host, Jeffrey Schwinghammer. This show is about exploring what's possible for you, regardless of the troubles you've had and the number of years you've spent on this planet. I speak from the perspective of being a Feldenkrais practitioner. Feldenkrais is a somatic movement modality. This means...

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We use movement to reconnect body and mind, to feel more whole. Marlene's story is awesome, and I'm thrilled to share it with you. It's a great example of what comes from being curious with yourself and how you move. Without further ado, here's my conversation with Marlene. Hey Marlene, welcome. Hi Jeffrey. Thanks for coming here to share your story. I'm really excited to hear this. Sure. Well, I'm-

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gonna be 81 this week. And I've always been kind of a active person and lots of energy, but you know, as you get older, you have to keep working on it. But I've had a lot of things in my life that have come up that probably altered some courses for me. So for example, when I was 19,

02:28
I had appendicitis and it was hard to diagnose appendicitis. So they did a little more major surgery to see what all was going on. And as part of that, when they sewed me back up, they sewed the omentum, which is sort of this apron that goes over all your abdominal contents. And they sewed it up to my diaphragm, which is...

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right by under the ribs. And that's separates the chest from the abdomen. And so after that, I would have periodic pain and various things, but you know, being pretty active and all, I just kept going and.

03:18
But over the years, I finally started having, one of my legs was like, I could hardly move it, and I was like sort of dragging it. And so I went in to see what might be done, what was going on. And I ended up eventually getting to a general surgeon who said that he thought it was from my previous surgery and that it.

03:48
maybe was like a hernia or something that was inwards or something. And so we went ahead and did the surgery, exploratory. And that he found out, that's what he found out. They had sewn my momentum to the diaphragm, which was pulling down on everything and squeezing it. Right, so these two parts of your abdomen

04:18
were structurally connected, tied together in the way that they're not supposed to be. Yeah, to the diaphragm. They were actually sewn to the diaphragm. So he had to tear that apart. Literally, he said, you know, surgeons usually cut. He said, we had to just carefully just keep tearing it because, you know, it was just too delicate a spot. And

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As part of that, my blood pressure sank because it probably was right over the aorta and vena cava, the great huge blood vessels. And when that was released, it was like, you know, my blood pressure fell and everything. So I actually had a near death experience as part of that, which I didn't tell you before,

05:15
Oh wow, yeah. Was that expected at all or was that just a big surprise to everyone? Oh heavens, no. Well, I don't think anything was expected. You know, it was like...

05:27
you release this pressure and it's like things had to settle down afterwards. Right. Right. So because you were with that for how many years? Because at 19 you had that initial surgery. 19 to 34. I was 34 when I got it done. For those 15 years you were changed internally from the previous 19 years of your life. There was something structurally changed the way your diaphragm was

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Right. Yeah. Which you had no idea of. Yeah. No. And my body did a pretty good job of compensating, you know, making whatever adjustments had to be made to deal with that. So, I mean, it wasn't like I was not doing things. I was very active, but it was just that I was getting to the point something was wrong. Yeah.

06:22
So you were compensating and your body was compensating because if there's something structurally different, all of your previously earned habits of moving and acting, all that's gonna be changed some way, right? Right. And I was like, I was like really active. I grew up on a farm by hills. We just like ran up hills. I was a cheerleader bouncing all over the place. And so I was very active.

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And in fact, when they did the surgery, they said the muscle was so tight that it took, he could hardly cut through it. He had to use several knives, which he said he never has before. So I was just like a tight abs. Wow. I love that detail. Your muscles were so thick. That was so powerful. So powerful. The doctor's like, I've never seen this before. Yeah.

07:19
Yeah, you wanted to know what I did to get that. What's that workout? Huh? As I recovered from that, it was like, I couldn't believe how wonderful it was. I had so much more energy and it was like incredible. After the second surgery. Yes. And I couldn't thank him enough for finding this, which.

07:47
I don't know. I mean, I don't think I'd be living if he hadn't found it. Wow. And so, yeah. So it was, yeah. So it changed my life, but then it actually changed my life in lots of ways because then afterwards, about a year from when I had the surgery, it was like I heard a voice in my head, which, you know, depending if you're religious or not, it seemed like God.

08:16
And, uh, and I was driving to work and it was like, it's time to go back to school. It was just like this voice said, it's time to go back to school. And I'm just driving to work and I can even still remember where I was when this happened, I was like, Oh my goodness. It was like this huge wake up call. This is after the second surgery. You had this inspiration. About a year afterwards. Uh-huh. Yeah.

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when I totally recovered. Yeah, gotcha. And so within a couple of weeks, it was August, so in September, I started back to school, college. Yeah, and what did you study? Did you study? I ended up studying psychology, and got a PhD in psychology, Lifespan Developmental Psychology. So I never, not clinical work, but academic.

09:15
Nice. Was that a surprise for you to have that interest again, or is that something you always wanted to do? Well, I had wanted to do it, but then I kind of gave it up because I'm family and I was working and lots of responsibilities. So I, uh, it wasn't something I was thinking about. No, I was not thinking about it. Right. And so you went back to school.

09:45
That was some years ago. And what happened between then and joining our class, the following Christ class?

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Well, I did all kinds of things. I got that, you know, was in school a long time getting that PhD and then fortunately, well, I went to Philadelphia for three years with the National Institute of Health Fellowship. And then I came to St. Cloud, to St. Cloud State and became a full professor there and had this most glorious, wonderful career, which.

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I just loved, loved, loved. So it was one of the best choices I ever made in my life to actually go back to school, even though it seemed like I already was an LPN in nursing. And so, you know, it wasn't, and so that was a lot of years to be going back. But it just made my life wonderful. So.

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It was just a wonderful thing to do. And I absolutely loved teaching and being with the students at St. Cloud State and a wonderful life. Awesome. That's so great. Yeah. So I kept trying to stay active and everything, but now as I've gotten older,

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I am.

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And then I had to have two hip surgeries, two hip replacements.

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I don't know if that's related to that, you know, my body being gotten out of sorts or not. I mean, I have no idea. But in any case, the whole combination, I feel kind of unequal. And I do realize that some of it does go back to that early surgery because I know over the years, I always felt this kind of pain pulling the.

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pulling me down. So it's like things are still off kilter from that. And then that combined with the hip surgery, I thought, oh, your class just might get me more in touch. Like how could I just kind of strengthen some areas or stretch them to get it a little more equal.

12:23
And so that's what I was actually hoping for, that I joined your class. Yeah. And then the other week you had shared this celebration. You were at the gym, wasn't it? Yes, well, I've had several celebrations. So let's see, which one was that? The first celebration was, oh my gosh, I felt so much energy after your class.

12:52
Yeah, that's right. I remember that one. It was just like, you know, and I can't tell you where it was coming from. I just like, oh my gosh, where is this energy coming from that I feel so much more energy? But I do think it's from like working on both sides of the body and things getting more equal and the brain being like reprogrammed. But anyhow, the first thing was the energy that I felt. And then...

13:24
Uh, one of the classes we did some stretching of very, we're all laughing. Like how you supposed to do it? Like lengthening it's threatening stretching the sides of your body when you're laying down to make them longer. And you're like, what in the world? And, oh my goodness. Oh, I just like felt, oh my gosh, that's where it is. That's where it is. That it was very exciting. That.

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I found a spot I could actually work on when I felt this kind of pain or pressure that, oh, I could straighten my body out myself a little bit after that. So that pain or pressure was a muscular contraction in some way. Yeah. Muscular and maybe, you know, possibly all the fashion, everything else at this point, you know, where it's tightened up. And it's like by doing it, you know, it's...

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Like I do think already my brain kind of knows now a little bit more where it's supposed to be. And so it's not as much effort to try to, like I'll feel like sort of that one side of thing and I just do a little tightening or loosening. And all of a sudden I feel, oh, that's it, that did it. I don't know how much it's totally related, but I can tell you my whole life I've had this.

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problem ever since that surgery. So yeah, 100%. Yeah. And you have some choices now. There's a lot more granularity in how you make decisions about how you move or how you, how you relate to your internal self. Yeah. Right. Yeah, exactly. So that's what I love. It's like, oh my gosh. And I think I mentioned it in one class when I suddenly felt

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sort of empowered, I will call it like, or I said in control, but I didn't mean it negatively. I meant empowered like. And I felt that in your class.

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couple of different times. And the other time was with the hip and that's probably with the hip surgery, which is never exactly perfect. And

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I felt, oh my goodness, one side of the body, I could feel the part of the body that's related to what's going on my hip, that it was coming also from like the chest and shoulder muscles. And again, I was like, oh my gosh, that changed it. And so it's very exciting, but also very energetic to have that happen. Like.

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And it's such a release. Yeah. And I think you're really highlighting the awareness in awareness through movement. You're discovering these aspects of your experience. You're becoming aware of them. Exactly, exactly. And having some tools to even like, when I realize now that, oh dear, I'm sort of like in that again, I'm like sort of one sided. I'll like try to.

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Okay, I know what to do now to straighten myself out. So, and it's not like I'm, yeah, I don't think anybody looking at me actually could tell it unless they were very good at that. But it's just me and how it feels. Right, it can be very subtle, these internal decisions, right, because you can look at a room filled with people and see they're all standing, right? Oh, they're all standing. But your internal experience of standing, you can.

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vary that up in very subtle ways. That gives you a better quality of breath or lesser quality, more ease or openness or less. Exactly. Oh, the most recent thing we did in class was with the feet and being aware of the outside and the inside edges of the feet and sort of getting to know your feet again, like a baby and playing with them.

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Like as part of that that day, I, oh my goodness, I felt that, that my foot was totally connected with that. I couldn't do anything to my foot that the hip wasn't doing something to. It was connected. It wasn't, you know, so it had learned to compensate in some way. It had learned to compensate in some way. Would you say more about that? Like, you know, if you're, if you're, if you're a little off,

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something else in your body tightens up or lets go so that you can do things basically and move whatever it is you're doing or not doing. And so, and do that long enough. And it like, it gets permanent. It's like, it's, that's your body's used to it now. It doesn't have to figure that one out. And so it's good in the sense of that, yes.

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but then over time it's negative because now you're locked in this kind of off position.

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And then you discovered that lesson how your foot and your hip could be connected and not be disconnected through compensation. Right. Is that a way to put it? Yeah. And the other side wasn't like that. So it was just the one side. Right. So that compensation, I love that description. You called it like, if you do it long enough, it becomes permanent. Well, maybe after Feldenkrais, it becomes a little bit less permanent. That's pretty good. Right. Exactly.

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That is the empowerment. Yeah. And here's the thing about those compensations that are seemingly permanent and seemingly invisible until we can discover them, is that's where your energy has gone. When you rediscover your energy, it's because you're no longer compensating in those ways that use up, that take up all that energy. Right. It's.

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And it's really something to experience that, not just talk about it. Yeah. There was that celebration recently where you said you were at the gym and it was as if you kind of rediscovered your 19 year old energy or something. Oh, I know. I said, I, yes, I was like, okay, so pre that surgery thing I had where I got sewn together, my chest and the abdomen.

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So I was the cheerleader in high school and I just did it effortlessly. It was always kind of hard because I could do things I couldn't get any of the other girls to do. So I, you know, then we'd have to cut something because they couldn't do it. But so I'm just saying I was just like sort of naturally very easy to do all kinds of difficult athletic things.

20:48
And then I had that surgery and wow, I, you know.

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And so.

21:01
I hadn't realized it all these years until that day in your class. And I can't remember what we had done exactly, but by the end of the class, I was feeling exactly like I did when I was a cheerleader and I was like in front of the gym. And I just like, everything was just like working perfectly. And I just felt this...

21:32
empowerment. Wow. Wow. That's awesome. Yeah. So I know it probably sounds kind of silly about me, but it's just that I was so strong there, you see. And so it was like, just, and just knowing, I mean, I could do like three, four or five cartwheels in a row just perfectly without, you know, and I have no, nobody trained me. I just could do it because I would practice and anyhow.

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that kind of, I suddenly felt that, like, oh my gosh, what a wonderful feeling. That's so awesome, because you had this experience up until 19 where that was so clear, part of your image, your self-image of who you are. And then it went underground, it got covered up somehow through the surgeries. And then here again, it can re-emerge decades later, right? It's like,

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It's not age that's restricting that. It's almost like Lazarus. It's like what? That's awesome. That's so cool. I'm so happy for you. Thank you. Yeah. Well, thank you for that. I mean, it's just been wonderful working with you. It is amazing. I think everyone in the class is experiencing

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really very positive changes. Yeah, I think so too. And it's all unique. Everyone has their own individual experience. They're all learning in their own ways, what different things become more meaningful for each person. Exactly, and one person, like Jerry told me, for him the biggest thing has been his eyes. He just can't get over the change in his eyes. Right, right.

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just learning like that movement. And he said he could see so much better and he's just sort of amazed. Right. And there's, yeah, the ways that even the eyes are actually affected by the whole body and vice versa. These movements, you know, we've done some work with the eyes a little bit, but like it's the whole picture. And when that begins to change, it becomes easier for the eyes to work. I'm curious, how would you describe

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the Feldenkrais Method or awareness through movement. What is it about? What are we doing? Not to put you on the spot. I'm just kind of curious how you put it in your words. Well, let's see. We'll just give it a try. I mean, I see it as like really getting everything in sync. Like your mind and your body are like totally working together. It's not like your mind is trying to compensate for your body, which I had.

24:28
but rather it's more altogether. And so the Feldenkrais helps you get towards that, I think, because I do think our bodies and our minds get a little out of sync. And with our modern life perhaps even, maybe went out that and cave days, who knows, I don't know.

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They had different problems though, so who knows. But it seems to me that like, wow, my mind, oh yeah, that's the spot. Now my mind and that part of my body know just what's going on and they're in sync and they're working together. And then there's a memory that starts. A memory that starts. What do you mean?

25:28
Well, that you don't have to work on it so hard. It actually starts, either your body or your mind, like starts like the first initiator, but it becomes easier. It's like, you don't, it isn't like so separate and they're trying to work together. Right, right. That in sync that you were saying that they work together, that maybe it's muscle memory type thing, or you just have the sort of

25:58
You can enter that flow together more easily. But you know, with our minds, we can make our bodies do stuff our body doesn't want to do because it's like tired, whatever, right? Or her whatever, we can mentally force ourself to do things. But this is like trying to be in sync, listening to each other. Yeah. I'm curious what

26:23
What's next for you, right? You're in these classes, you're studying yourself, you're studying movement, you're studying awareness. What is opening up for you? What are you interested in next? I just want to feel a little bit more of that cheerleader, that empowerment. Like, I just, that's what I want. Yeah, I want that. I mean, otherwise, are there things I wanna do, of course, but...

26:51
I want that sense of empowerment more where I, now I got a touch of it again. It's been a long time and I'm like, Oh, I want more of that. Nice. That's wonderful. Thank you so much, Marlene. You're welcome. Man. What a great story. Man. What a great story. This is the sort of experience that I wish for all of my students.

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that they discover what they have lost may not be so permanent, and that they can find themselves more capable and more powerful than they thought was possible. If you're interested in working with me, the best way is to sign up for my newsletter to hear about opportunities. I currently offer one-on-one private lessons online, and I will let you know when I open my course in the new year. Please go to the show notes to find the links. My final question to you is,

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What if Marlene's story resonated with you? Did you have a surgery or an injury that you weren't quite the same afterward? I invite you to talk about this with a friend because good conversation deepens and expands our thinking. Thank you for your attention.